That's always better to learn by practice! Read the essay analysis below to clarify your understanding of good essay writing.
Culture is defined as a way of living that has been adopted by people depending on certain factors such as races and beliefs. Age is also a factor that determines the culture that has been adopted by the people in a certain age bracket. It has been noted that different age groups adopt different cultures which satisfy their lives and make them enjoy it to their fullest.
When we focus on the youths, they are seen to have a different culture than all the other people (Steinberg, Parmar & Richard, 2006). The reason for this is because they are still young and are trying to explore all the different aspects of life. Most of them do not really care about what is good or what is bad as long as it makes them happy. The youth’s culture differs from one city to another and the urban youth culture is different from the rural youth culture.
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France has its economy flailing and its politics are in the correct line. It has also been noted that the youth culture is catching up with that of the world so that the sleepy arrondissements that once existed in the north-eastern part of Paris, have been transformed by both social and economic forces making it more vibrant and with many activities going on. Other businesses such as clubs have also been established in this place and this has opened up room for the social activities by the youths. This has been an improvement from their previous way of doing things and the drastic change has been noted by many people (In Gullotta In Plant & In Evans, 2014). The museum that exists in the middle of the town has also seen rapid changes as many activities have been invented and especially by the multinational corporations since some Parisians do not want to be associated with some places.
A globalized youth culture exists in all towns including in Paris. The youths want to have some connection with those of their neighboring cities and also adopt some practices that are present in their cultures. The adopted practices are then incorporated in their daily activities adding up to their culture. The reason why they do this is in the efforts to create their own identity and become different from others in different cities.
The argument of this essay appears to be “Different age groups adopt different cultures which satisfy their lives and make them enjoy it to their fullest.” In other words, happiness is achieved in different ways by age groups. The essay follows with two supporting paragraphs. The first paragraph opens with the topic sentence, “When we focus on the youths, they are seen to have a different culture than all the other people.” The topic sentence of the second paragraph looks to be “youth culture is catching up with that of the world…” The essay concludes with the idea youths adopt cultural traits from other cities to add to their own cultures. This helps them to form personal identities.
The argument should focus on youth culture in Paris. Unfortunately, there is no clear thesis statement. The introduction indicates the essay will discuss how age affects the cultural habits a person adopts. However, it seems the essay actually discusses the concept that young adopt whatever cultural activities make them happy. In this case, the writer would need to support the essay with key ideas such as:
The cultural traits young people are inclined to adopt
Why youths, in particular, may choose those cultural traits to be happy
The essay writer should also make the connection between race, gender, and existing beliefs of the youth in Paris since it is such a multicultural city. Since the main argument is not expressed clearly in the form of a thesis statement in the introduction, the essay lacks focus.
Body paragraph 1
Argument - The only idea in the paragraph is youth culture differs from other age groups in various locations. As this is simply a repetition of the idea of the introduction, it is a weak paragraph. There is no new information, and the writer does not offer support in the form of details, examples, facts, or statistics.
Reasoning - There is no clear reasoning in this paragraph because the writer has no clear topic to support the argument.
Body paragraph 2
Argument - The paragraph opens with the statement “France has its economy flailing and its politics are in the correct line.” The relevance of this information to the essay’s argument is not connected well -- the statement should take the form of supporting information later in the paragraph.
The main idea of the paragraph is cultural traits in the city, in the form of social activities, have changed drastically. This is a valid idea to explore. Culture changes with time, and modern youth have individual tastes. However, religious, ethnic, and financial factors affect cultural norms as well. The writer should discuss the merger of existing cultural beliefs and new cultural trends, and how this contributes to their happiness.
Reasoning - The writer appears to have a relevant idea in mind but fails to use it to support the main argument of the essay. Ideas seem disjointed, and there is little cohesion in the paragraph.
The essay suffers from a lack of clarity. There is no clear argument - is the argument age affects cultural adoption? Or is it youths follow whatever culture makes them happy? We can edit essay by improving a following standard academic essay structure -
Introduction with a clear thesis statement
Body paragraphs with distinct topic sentences to support the thesis statement
A conclusion with the main points restated
The writer should ask himself or herself -
What is the argument of the essay?
How can I prove the argument?
Do my body paragraphs effectively prove the argument?